Couple's counseling traditionally teaches good communication skills, conflict resolution skills, and reconnecting skills. Unfortunately, many couples' grievances with one another run so deep they become easily triggered then resist using the new skills, therefore, nothing changes in the relationship. A conflict arises, emotions flare, and the two parties relapse into old behavior patterns. When the emotions die down, the couple is able to think rationally then feel remorseful that they didn't handle the conflict differently. They become frustrated and wonder if they will ever 'get it right' or learn to communicate better.
The problem lies in the fact that most conflict in an intimate relationship has more to do with the couple's past rather than their current situation. The intensity of their emotions is fueled by the wounds of the past.
When a partner inadvertently triggers an old wound in their mate, the affected partner overreacts. Afterward, the reacting partner will wonder why they made such a big deal out of something so small. This overreaction is a symptom of unresolved childhood wounding. Merely using conflict resolution skills or improved communication skills at this point will do little to heal the original wound. If the couple is able to find a way past the conflict, they are still vulnerable to the same flare up when a similar event happens. This explains why conflicts in a relationship usually have common themes. She reacts if she feels ignored or unloved. He reacts if he feels marginalized or controlled. Each couple exhibits their unique conflict themes based on their histories.
The use of Radical Forgiveness tools in couple's counseling enables couples to achieve a depth of healing that moves them beyond their childhood wounding almost instantaneously and allows them to see real and lasting changes in their love relationships. Eventually, peace replaces rage, negative, blocked energy is cleared and love reigns again in the relationship.The healing effect of Radical Forgiveness generalizes to all other relationships.
If your relationship is struggling, if you hurt one another repeatedly, if you feel disappointed and unfulfilled, if your talks lead to frustration instead of change, then maybe the missing ingredient is forgiveness. All forgiveness is self-forgiveness. When you forgive your partner, you forgive yourself and heal yourself.
I have worked with clients in a variety of modalities for over twelve years. After adding Radical Forgiveness approaches to my toolbox, I have witnessed client resistance dissolve more easily, causing beautiful transformations and lasting change.
Call for an appointment and bring joy back to your relationship - 248-557-4006
Karen Bashawaty, MA, LLP, LPC 2550 S. Telegraph Rd. Bloomfield Hills, MI - Suite 240 - 48302